Originally posted on The Life and Times of Nathan Badley...:
There was a time thousands of years ago that turkeys could roam free. Turkeys were everywhere, from the Redwood Forest’s turkeys to the Gulf Stream Waters’ turkeys. Turkeys were able to build up a large and strong society.
Then, tragedy struck.
As a group of humans arrived in this great land searching for freedom, these societies were stamped out. Hungry because of their inability to grow food or, it seems, really do anything for themselves, the previously very peaceful Native Americans began to kill these turkeys to feed the dumb new humans. These dummies decided they should, every year, eat more of these majestic creatures to celebrate the time that someone gave them food because they were too stupid to get it themselves. It became the first holiday in the new land.