Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Prove True Love is Dead and There is Nothing Anyone Can Do About It

Listen closely. Just put your hands up to your ears.

If you focus, you can hear the tears of every romantic falling to the ground.

For what seems like forever, we have paid witness to the truest example of love the world has ever seen. It was a fairytale romance between the girl next door and a mysterious man from a foreign land. She was an actress or something and he was a prepubescent singer who danced like an angel. They made us finally believe in love.

Then, just as quickly as it had come, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were over and with it had gone the world’s hope for true romance.

Words cannot express the emotions that ran through my mind as I read the headlines today. I found myself paralyzed, unable to move. I did not want to stand or walk. All I could do was sit in the fetal position and cry. I looked around for a hug, but no one was there, not that it would matter anyway. They would hug me and it would be comforting, sure. Then they would leave me just like SELENA LEFT JUSTIN! AND THERE IS NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE THE WORLD IS A TERRIBLE PLACE FULL OF ONLY EVIL! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL END UP DESTROYED JUST… LIKE… JUSTIN! WHY?! WHY, SELENA?! ALL HE EVER WANTED TO DO WAS LOVE YOU, BUT THAT JUST WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH! SURE, YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER, BUT THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL EVER TOP JUSTIN BIEBER! EVER! HE CAN SING AND DANCE! AND THE HAIR!

I’m sorry. My emotions may have gotten away from me, but if two teenage celebrities cannot find lasting love before twenty years of age, what hope is there for anyone else?

This song is dedicated to the death of a relationship and to love in general. If you need me, I’ll be sitting a dim room fighting my darkest urges.

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14 thoughts on “Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez Prove True Love is Dead and There is Nothing Anyone Can Do About It

  1. In my Canadian opinion ( and trust me I’m a pretty big deal up here).
    This has all been a horrible, horrible travesty on the young blonde haired jewel of our land.
    I believe, that this is all the result of a conspiracy between the CIA and the upcoming reunion of the The Jonas Brothers!

    Like

  2. Pingback: Is it Dead or Just Elusive? « I am Mike Obiora

  3. Pingback: Is it Dead or Just Elusive? « I am Mike Obiora

  4. My condolences. Hope you can endure these hard times and overcome the mishaps. It must be the end of times for sure, I mean… no words, there are simply no words in this world that can mend your broken heart over this.

    Like

  5. I love when you post about JB because I know it’s going to be the best laugh of the day maybe even the week! Thanks for being hilarious!!!

    Like

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