Let’s face it. It is hard out there for single people. At least that’s what I hear. I don’t know from experience because I was able to trick someone into marrying me, but if I hadn’t fooled her into thinking I was the heir to the Dum-Dum suckers fortune, I would be a lonely loser just like so many others.
All these single people really want is some love. Maybe, a date that will pick up the bill or a rendezvous free of people describing their dog as “their little baby,” but mostly just love.
Fortunately, I have your back, single people. I am like your virtual wingman here to help you finally attract that mate you have always wanted. These eight pickup lines will surely score you a date.*
-You look like good reproductive material.
-Hello. I am desperate and incredibly lonely. Might I spend the evening crying onto your shoulder?
-I bet you have great lung capacity. (People really pride themselves on their ability to hold their breath for extended periods of time. This line shows you aren’t just interested in their appearance. You are interested in what is inside. Specifically, the lungs.)
-Girl, if you had a team of makeup and hair people, a group of Photoshop wizards, a personal trainer, and someone to take care of that hair on your upper lip, you would look just like Kim Kardashian.
-You must be in the wrong place – the very pretty girl contest is over there. (This line might also work if you just want to take the girl’s seat.)
-Roses are red, violets are blue, and we should totally go out some time.
-Are those astronaut pants? Because your butt is out of this world. On an unrelated note, they frame your wide birthing hips very nicely
-I am very rich and successful. (This will work best if you can fan yourself with several hundred-dollar bills while you are speaking.)
There you go, folks. I hope you aren’t an introvert, because you will NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN!
That last sentence kind of made being single sound good…
*This statement is not a legal guarantee. These lines will most likely NOT get you a date, but if they happen to, all credit must be given to this blog and this blog alone. Also, Nathan demands a piece of your wedding cake in repayment.
- The Three Types of Single People (Journal) (my4lifecrisis.wordpress.com)
- Married people and their lack of interaction with singles (happolatismiscellany.wordpress.com)