The Horrors of War

A World War 1 Story, Part 8 (2061041095)

A World War 1 Story, Part 8 (2061041095) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

They say that war is Hell. While this not upheld by any Biblical scripture, people seem to be in agreement. Far and wide, people are not huge fans of war.

Since I declared war on that menace, The Hobbler, roughly 250,000 people have met their demise. Granted, none of these deaths were directly caused by our battle, but I would like to think the stress of our falling out might have kick started a few heart attacks. Maybe we’re even responsible for those few who fell from a great height. Fingers crossed.

Yes, war is a terror. I myself have spent a great deal of my day crying and reliving flashbacks. Since our war has been fought on the front lines of Twitter, each flashback lasts only 140 characters, just enough to cause my adrenaline to begin pumping and my heart to start racing.

These are the horrors of war.

No one wants peace more than me. Having lived the last 18 hours on the front lines, I long for the days of peace and harmony. I’ve written home to my wife 16 times since this fight has started. She is really sick of it, actually.

No one loves the pain that war brings people. No one except the Hobbler herself.

She has laughed diabolically at the very notion of war. It’s almost like this war is just a game to her. After all, it’s just lives we’re playing with here. No big whoop.

That’s why I must fight on. Through turmoil and disease I will continue. I can’t stop until her diabolical ways have.

Oh, this won’t be easy. The Hobbler is a very difficult opponent to defeat. Anyone who lacks scruples like her will stop at no lengths to come out on top. She will comment on this post and send me vaguely threatening Tweets. I will have no choice but to also comment on posts and reply to her Tweets until the end of time or until we get tired of doing this. Whichever one comes first.

You’re welcome, world.

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13 thoughts on “The Horrors of War

  1. Let me know if I can help. You have always been there for me and you know I have your back. I will be by your side in a minute with my other best bud Der Erlkönig.
    Chad

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  2. Sniff, sniff, that is literally the most touching thing you’ve ever written. Maybe you should quit your job and become a country singer. Oh, you probably sing about as well as you write. Well, maybe a mime? There has got to be some job you could do…I know! A puppet! They call those things “dummies” right? It would really go right along with the theme of me pulling your strings so that you forsake all other topics and write only about us…At least until Sunday when you surrender.

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  3. I have arrived here by a suggestion from the Hobbler on my own blog. Now I am concerned that I have succumbed to some sort of Jedi mind trick. Though I HAVE been neglecting my bloggerly duties and not visiting as much as I should. Hmmmm. Of course now that I am aware of such a conflict I can’t just stand by and watch. The very fate of the world could be at stake!! My talents are available … as soon as I figure out who the bad guy actually is haha

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    • The bad guy is Nathan. Don’t worry about that stuff I said about loving being evil on my own blog. Nathan/Slackerman has done something through the computer that made me feel sick and sleep almost all day. I am usually an insomniac, so you know that it was all his fault. The fate of the world really is at stake and I could use all the help I can get since he has somehow learned how to go throught people’s internet.

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  4. Pingback: Making a difference (a short bit o’ M) | The odd ramblings of a mind that does not quite fit

  5. Every time I read that I am reminded of how much of a whiner you are. It is about time someone stood up to your whiny ways. By the way, I know I said you could quit tonight, but that was a lie. What did you expect from someone as evil as me? Anyway, I will do a better job of fighting the light side tomorrow. I didn’t have it in me today. I guess I’m just too nice.

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