Academy Awards Acceptance Speeches From the Muppets

Fozzie Bear and Rowlf the Dog perform "En...

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Tonight, a song from The Muppets is nominated for best original song at the Academy Awards. While the song was written by Bret McKenzie, one half of The Flight of the Conchords, the Muppets are sure to be hoping for a chance to take home some Oscar gold.

We have gotten hold of the awards acceptance speeches from each Muppet a bit early. If they win, here is what you can expect to hear:

 

Kermit

Well, this is a very pleasant surprise. I want to thank my good friend Jason Segel for making a movie with us. He is so nice. Isn’t he?

Miss Piggy

I want to thank moi, for without moi, this song would have been a disaster, isn’t that right, Keeerrrrmie?? (Kermit shakes his head).

Beaker

Beep Beep Beep!

The Swedish Chef

Thanks to murdah and duh der dee der dee… (Loses train of thought and chases a chicken with a cleaver. It is the second most violent murder attempt of the evening, the first being when Glenn Close tries to stab the entire cast of The Help for, once again, keeping her from getting an Oscar.)

Fozzie Bear

This is a great honor. All I can think of to say is what a dragon would say in this situation. Nothing, because dragons can’t talk! Wocka wocka wocka!

Animal

Osssscar! Osssssssssssccccaaarrr!

Gonzo the Great

In honor of this Oscar win, I shall attempt to eat the statuette. Maestro! (“Flight of the Bumblebees” plays. All the other Muppets stop Gonzo from eating the Oscar, knowing that it is bad for his digestive system and they would like to keep it.)

Sam the Eagle

This Oscar win is a great moment for me. All of my life, I have dreamed of a chance to hoist a trophy. Only in this great country could a simple eagle like myself receive this opportunity. (The Star Spangled Banner begins to play.) As a child, I remember seeing William Shakespeare’s classic The Sound of Music at my local theatre. It was then that I knew I wanted to be in show business. I’m happy to be able to share my gift with each and everyone of these great 48 states and bring joy to so many children. Being with so many distinguished members of the Hollywood community like my favorite actor Martin Scorsese is an honor and a privilege. Kids, this goes to show you that in America, you can do anything. As long as you work hard, your life will be as solid as this very stage. (Stage collapses underneath him.)

Can someone get Billy Crystal to fix this?

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16 thoughts on “Academy Awards Acceptance Speeches From the Muppets

  1. I saw the Man or Muppet song on the list of nominees and misread one teensy weensy word. Needless to say, it transformed into a very different kind of awards show for a very different kind of film. I’m not sure I’ll be able to look Gonzo in the eye tonight.

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  2. Ay, you got it perfect! Although I have to agree with Sandra, you should have included a bit from Statler and Waldorf at the end. But you were really spot on with all the personalities. Are you secretly a staff writer for the Muppets?

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